We won't sleep together?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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