do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
