so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
We need to get me chipped asap
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
