Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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