I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
