omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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