The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
