what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
