chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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