Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
