but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize