I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
