Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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