you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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