There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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