Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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