how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
