I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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