I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
