is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
