Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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