So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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