I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
