My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
