now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
