Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
