i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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