I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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