I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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