i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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