I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
