oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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