its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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