very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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