i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
