Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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