I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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