It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
