The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
