this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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