Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
