There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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