I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
