take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize