as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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