don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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