Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Randomize