I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
