I will die if light touches me.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
