I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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