Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
