Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
We named our party play list daddy issues
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
