I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
