I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
