I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
