Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
