so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize