worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
