oh god the rape fog is back!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
