I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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