fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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