It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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