Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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